Snapchat Jealous

Dear Romanda,

I have a great girlfriend, we are getting on really well at the moment, but there is something bugging me.

She Snapchats another girl, a lot. Several times a day.

I don’t want to be jealous, I want her to be friends with whoever she feels like, but when I see her at the top of her list for most Snapchats, I can’t help getting that feeling in my stomach.

It’s not as if it’s a friend she has had for years, they only met a few months ago on a night out. Why is she messaging her so much? I think she is straight anyway.

But she is much closer to her age than I am, and she is much prettier than me. She is also one of those gym girls, the same as my girlfriend. Which means that not only do they have a shared interest, she also has a great body!

I don’t want to tell her to stop messaging her, as that will only cause an argument. But I don’t know how to cope with feeling like this.

What should I do??

Teri


 

Hi Teri,

I know how you feel. We want to be the super-chilled partner who is so comfortable in the relationship we never get jealous about our other half talking to anyone.

No one wants to be seen as the insecure, psycho bunny boiler.

And sometimes we might seem like we are doing pretty well. That is until one of our partner’s friends happens to be really good-looking… then it is a different story!

It might feel silly at first to be getting upset about something like Snapchat, but the truth is, it is all attention. Every time she sends her a Snapchat, it is attention she is giving her instead of you, it is building a bond and an attachment.

At least that’s how your inner-cavegirl see’s it.

We have primal instincts hardwired into our brains whether we want them or not. And when they see someone else as a competitor for our loved-ones affections, we can feel a need to lash out and get rid of them.

Luckily for you Teri, it seems like you are already aware of this, and keeping your knee-jerk emotions in check. Well done! You are right, this topic is definitely a danger zone for an argument.

It seems to me that the main problem here is with your own vision of yourself. You see your girlfriend and this friend as young ‘gym girls’ who are in some way superior to you, and therefore a better match.

If this is something that has not been said to you by your girlfriend, it is most probably your own insecurities projecting themselves into how you think she see’s her.

This is not your fault, we have been conditioned as women to compete with each other and rank ourselves above or below our ‘competitors’ in order to decide whether or not we should feel threatened by them.

I would say, that if everything else in your relationship is going well, then she loves you for who you are, and how you are. Try and let this go and eventually you might forget about it and thank your past-self for not causing a argument!

If however, you really can’t get it out of your head to the point where you feel a wedge between the two of you, maybe you could say something to her.

It is very important that you only bring this up in a calm situation, NOT as ammunition in the middle of a fight! Explain that you know this is your own insecurities, not a reflection on your trust in her. You do not expect her to stop talking to her as you do not want that kind of relationship, but by not speaking to her about something so prominent in your mind, it feels as if you are not being completely honest.

Good Luck,

Romanda

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