After getting a divorce from a toxic marriage I have spent the last year building my self-confidence back up, and creating a new life as a single mother to my 5-year-old daughter. Things were starting to fall into place, I was really enjoying the freedom of being single and not answering to anyone.
I was not looking to meet anyone any time soon, but when my friend tried to set me up with an old friend, I agreed to swap numbers and after a lot of Whatsapp chats we eventually started meeting up.
I’m so glad I did, he is perfect for me! We just clicked like we had known each other for ages. He’s so easy to talk to, and so kind and very intelligent. Looks wise, he’s not my usual type, but I like him so much it doesn’t matter. It’s been such a long time since I’ve felt those butterflies when you see a message from someone on your phone. I really felt like my luck had turned around.
Then he told me something that has broken my heart. A few years ago, he applied for a work visa for Canada. He has just received an approval for it, and he is going. He said that he only knew about it after he had met up with me and started to get to know me. He said that he cannot give up the opportunity he has wanted for year for someone he has known just a few weeks. (Why did he have to say it like that?? It hurt so much!)
I understand, I told him that of course I am sad to see him leave, but I would never try to make him stay. He has to do what is right for him.
But now I’m torn. Everyone has a different opinion on what I should do. Some of my friends are telling me I should tell him how I feel, and convince him to stay. They say I will regret it if I don’t.
Other people tell me I should just get over him. I’ve only known him a couple of months, not long enough to get this attached. Plenty more fish, you’ll find someone else soon.
But I don’t want anyone else. I like him. Maybe even love him. Is it too soon to be in love? I don’t want to tell him to stay. If he stays for me, and things dont work out, he will use it against me for sure. If he stays, I want it to be his own decision.
What should I do? Let him go and maybe never see him again or beg him to give up his dream to be with me?
You sound like a very intelligent woman. You have taken the first steps towards your happiness by divorcing a man who was wrong for you. Meeting this lovely guy seems like the perfect happy ending. You deserve those butterflies. If nothing else, this experience has reminded you how a good man will treat you and make you feel.
I know that is not a lot of help. And me telling you that you have absolutely done the right thing by not pressuring him to stay for you also wont help. Sometimes doing the right thing is no fun at all.
As for your friends opinions, good friends will always want what is best for you. Their words will have had good intentions. That said, they are not always going to be right. No one knows your relationship better and how this man makes you feel more than you. Listen to their advice, but listen to your gut as well.
There are no rules on how long we have to know someone before we are allowed to feel a connection with them. When the chemistry is right, it can be almost instant. Your emotions are valid. You feel how you feel, no need to justify it.
It is so difficult to let someone you care about leave your life, but I feel that here is the right time to do just that. Let him go to Canada, maybe keep in touch as friends (if you are able to). Maybe he will realise that he is not truly happy there without you, but he needs to go there and find that out for himself. Maybe he will love his new life there, and unfortunately that is a possibility. It sounds like a case of very bad timing.
Hard as it is, try to enjoy the times you have spent together and go your separate ways on good terms. If it is meant to be, he will find his way back into your life. If not, surround yourself with the people who keep you strong and keep you sane. You don’t need your friends to understand how you can have feelings someone you havent known long, they just need to accept that you do, and be there for you accordingly.
You have shown already that you are strong, and you will get through this too. If you need to cry, do it. If you want to be angry, let it out and put it aside.